I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me

My husband left me yesterday.

It's only for 42 hours but regardless he's gone. He's off galavanting through the streets of Portland, meandering the mountains and coast line, eating yummy Tilamook factory ice cream and squeaky cheese, while I'm here. Home. Alone. For the first time since we got married. Sure he's worked a few late shifts at the hospital, but he always came home that night.

It's funny how quickly we develop a routine and how odd it feels when that routine is disturbed. Surely dinner can't be over, Nate hasn't come home and who is going to do the dishes? Surely it can't be time for bed, who's going to kiss me goodnight, tuck me in, and keep me warm? Yes it is time (and don't call me Shirley).

Lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, all my senses felt heightened. The house seemed dark, too dark. The silence sounded too quiet making all pops and creaks magnified. Even the normal sounds of my digestive system sounded amplified to startling levels. Nights like these make me wish we had a dog, or a gun, alas the mega Mag light will have to suffice.

To enjoy my 42 hours of ME time, I did make myself a treat of some of my neglected food friends. Lemon dill baked halibut (Nate dislikes things from the sea), and a sauteed vegetable medley of grape tomatoes (the only good tomato for Nate is a processed one) and cremini mushrooms (there's usually not much fungus among us). Deliciouso! A meal so nice I think I'll make it twice.

Over the years I'll get used to the nights apart as we enter residency and nights on call will take their spot in our routine. I get a second shot at this whole alone thing in a few weeks when he goes to Tucson. I think fish, Mag light and I will become fast friends, though never fully comparing to or replacing my best friend, I still prefer him over anything any day.